My Jeeves
by AlessNox
Summary: A tiny drabble story to relieve boredom for the folks in Mrs Hudson's Kitchen.
1. Cluedo

_John licks his lips as he picks through the cards in his hand._

_Sherlock has natural advantages, but he has disadvantages as well, and game logic...that is one of the few things that he has yet to master._

_"It was Miss Scarlet in the library with the candlestick."_

_"Ludicrous John. A woman of her size could not effectively kill a person with blows from a common silver candlestick. Even a lead one..."_

_"Open the envelope, Sherlock!"_

_Sherlock frowned as he opened the envelope staring in disbelief at the picture of Miss Scarlet. John reached out and turned the cards toward him, then he chortled in glee. "I won," he said, "and now I have my own personal manservant to cater to my every whim."_

_"This game is ridiculous," Sherlock said, "They know nothing of the common physical laws which dictate..."_

_"Quiet Sherlock, I won so I get what I want."_

_"Only for three days, and it doesn't start until tomorrow...but John wouldn't you rather go bungee jumping? It would be fun."_

_"Oh no Sherlock, I had enough of that kind of thing in the army, and there is a reason I was army and not Air Corps. I like to keep my feet on the ground."_

_Sherlock sat in his chair with his knees up against his chest and pouted._

_"Don't be a baby, Sherlock, I won fair and square."_

_"but what if there's a case. I can't solve a case if I am bound to you in indentured servitude."_

_"You're not a slave Sherlock, and if there's a case, we'll just transfer the rest of the payback for another day. Don't be such a sore loser. We played Cluedo. You should be happy."_

_"I don't want to be happy," Sherlock said, "I want to go bungee jumping."_

_John smiled as he folded up the board and put the game away. "Now I need to call Sarah and see if she will let me take Friday off."_

_"Take a day off!"_

_"I don't want to waste a moment of my prize. Sherlock Holmes as my own personal manservant. I think I'll go to bed early. I have to think about what I want to do."_

_"John?" Sherlock asked rising to his feet, "John what are you thinking of?"_

_John only laughed as he walked up the steps to his room._


	2. Masseur

_"Oh the pressure", he says as Sherlock pushes down even harder."Ugh! you weight too much. Stop that, I think that you've dislocated my shoulder."_

_"I thought you said you wanted a back rub, John? Do you want a Cluedo rematch...I do so want to try bungee jumping."_

_"Will you give up on the bungee jumping, and get off me."_

_"I have heard from a reliable source that walking on the back is very therapeutic."_

_"Yes, if the person on your back is a lightweight and attractive young woman."_

_"I have been reliably informed that I am attractive," Sherlock said climbing down. He swung his leg over and sat on John's behind. _

_"Ouch! Sherlock what are you doing?"_

_"This is how a massage is done. I researched it beforehand you know."_

_"Uh, where did you research it?" John asked, his cheek digging further into his pillow with each pounding of Sherlock's fists._

_"Internet porn sites, John."_

_"Sherlock, you can't trust those as a source of reliable information."_

_"I know that, John. That's why I still have my clothes on. Do you want me to stick my tongue in your ear?"_

_"NO!"_

_"Good," Sherlock said, "I could never see the point of that, and it is rather unhygienic." Sherlock slid back onto John's thighs and rubbed his hands across his lower back. "I also discounted the sex as necessary for the back rub." He ran his hand up John's spine and smiled."There, John. So how do you feel?"_

_"I can't feel my feet."_

_"So, good then?"_

_John sighed._


	3. A good soaking

_John sat back in the bath, the bubbles piled high around him. The door opened and Sherlock entered._

_"Close the door, Sherlock, you're letting out the heat."_

_"Do you need anything? A massage perhaps?" Sherlock asked._

_"No massages. No Sherlock, this time you finally got it right. This bath is heavenly. I couldn't ask for anything more." John closed his eyes and sank further into the bath perfectly content._

_"Would you like some tea?" Sherlock asked, his deep voice smooth as silk. Sherlock sat on the side of the tub, a cup of steaming tea in his hand._

_John sat up and smiled. "My God, that's beautiful Sherlock," he said, "do we even own a porcelain tea cup and saucer?"_

_"I borrowed it from Mrs Hudson," Sherlock said passing the cup to him. John reached out and touched the tip of the handle with his index finger just as Sherlock dropped the boiling hot tea onto his chest._

_"Yeoow!" John yelled pulling himself half out of the water, the bubbles dripping down his chest which was rapidly turning red._

_"I'm so sorry, John," Sherlock said. He reached down into the water fishing around for the cup and saucer._

_"Hey Sherlock! Watch it. This is getting incredibly personal."_

_"Mrs Hudson doesn't know that I took the saucer. Please be careful." John jumped as Sherlock's hand squeezed something a little too sensitive. John lowered himself down and screamed again as the cup broke sending shards of china into his backside. He flopped over the side of the tub slipping so that he conked his head against the floor._

_Sometime later John lay on his stomach on a hospital bed muttering, "I didn't even get to taste the tea," as the doctor pulled the tiny shards out of his skin with tweezers. "Maybe it would have been better to lose," John thought._


	4. Strawberries and Whipped cream

John sat in his chair propped up on a hollow pillow to keep his buttocks off of the seat as he was still recovering from '_the china cup incident'_, when he heard Sherlock come up behind him. "What is it this time, Sherlock?" he said.

"I've made something for you," Sherlock said.

"Whatever it is, I don't want it," John replied. "Let's just forget about the bet. It's over alright?"

"But John, the agreement clearly stipulated three days and the limit has not yet been reached."

"Sherlock, It's okay. You don't have to do anything else for me."

"But this is something that I know you'll like."

John sighed heavily, "Alright then, Sherlock, what is it?"

"Strawberries and whipped cream."

John turned to face Sherlock, "Did you say strawberries and whipped cream? I love strawberries."

"I deduced as much by your reaction the last time we went to a restaurant offering strawberry shortcake. You drooled."

"I did not drool."

"Yes, you did," Sherlock said.

"Alright, whatever," John said, "I changed my mind. I may be interested in some strawberries and cream."

Sherlock smiled, "Good, I'll bring it then."

John rubbed his hands together. The great thing about strawberries and whipped cream is that being a dish with only two ingredients even Sherlock couldn't screw it up.

Sherlock brought in a plate covered with a metal bowl. Then he handed a fork to John before opening the lid. John stared, "Sherlock! What is this?"

"It's strawberries and whipped cream, John, obviously?"

"Why is it in the skull?"

"The recipe clearly said, 'slice the strawberries in half and serve them in a festive dish.' "

"But it's a skull!"

"Exactly, John, what could be more festive? Did you like the nice whip cream cap I made for him?"

"Is that even hygienic?"

"He didn't die of anything contagious, John, and I did wash it out first."

"I'm not eating strawberries out of a skull."

"Why ever not John?"

Sherlock dished a spoonful of strawberries and cream out of the left eye socket. "Come John, just give it a taste."

Sherlock leaned over the chair trying to put the spoon in his mouth. John, leaned back and turned his head away. "Come on John, put it in your mouth," Sherlock said, "You know you want it. Just a few minutes ago you were practically begging for it, open up!"

"Oh boys!" Mrs Hudson said from the doorway, "Sorry to interrupt."

John peered around the edge of his chair at Mrs Hudson. There was a dollop of whipped cream on his nose. Mrs Hudson covered her surprised smile.

Sherlock leaned over the top of the chair and said, "Hello, Mrs Hudson. I thought that he would want it if I wrapped it in enough whipped cream, but he just refuses to put it in his mouth. What do you suggest?

"I suggest that you lock the door when you are going to do anything...intimate," she said closing the door firmly. John banged his head against the chair back.

"Oh well," Sherlock said putting the dish down on the table next to John's journals, "If this dish doesn't interest you. There is another recipe for strawberries flambé. Want to try it?" He took out his lighter.

"SHERLOCK!"


	5. The dark at the end of the tunnel

"John..."

"No."

"But I haven't said anything yet," Sherlock whined.

"Whatever it is, Sherlock, the answer is no."

"But John..." Sherlock said as he walked into the living room wearing his plaid lab coat and his goggles.

John was sitting in his chair. He frowned. "I know that we still have half a day until the bet is over and you're going to try to do something, but whatever it is you're planning, just forget it. I just want to get through this night with all of my body parts intact. Well, most of them anyway." John said glancing down at his seat. He was still sitting on the raised pillow because of the damage that the tea cup had done to his bottom before.

"But John," Sherlock implored, "This is something that you asked for months ago. I'm sure that you'll like it."

"That's what you said last time."

"But this time it's different."

"Is this '_something_' designed to soothe me?" John asked crossing his arms across his chest.

"No."

"Will I have to put it in my mouth?"

Sherlock thought a minute and then said, "Not exactly, no."

"Will it involve you, or some other object coming in contact with any part of my body?"

"No."

"Alright then, what is it?"

Sherlock gave a huge smile, and walked into the kitchen gesturing for John to follow him. John raised himself out of the chair following Sherlock who walked over to the refrigerator. He pulled out a takeout container. "Do you remember how you said that our microwave was underpowered? You complained that it takes too long to heat up your leftovers."

"Yes," John said hesitantly while leaning against the doorframe. He refused to fully enter the kitchen.

"Well, I've fixed that," Sherlock said.

"You mean that you bought us a new microwave?"

"No, better than that," Sherlock said. "I fixed the old one to have more power." He put the takeout container in the microwave which had been pulled away from the wall to show a plethora of cables streaming out of the back and plugging into the wall socket.

"Sherlock, I don't think that you're supposed to work on the microwave. It produces radiation that isn't entirely safe."

"I do understand physics, John," Sherlock said. "Let me show you."

John watched as Sherlock pushed the buttons to start the microwave. The light in the microwave oven came on as the lights in the room dimmed. Then there was a spray of sparks and a bright blue light glared before the entire flat was covered in darkness.

"I guess I might have overdone the voltage a bit," Sherlock said. "Just a moment there should be a candle in this drawer." There was a shuffling sound and the sound of a drawer opening and things being pushed aside as Sherlock searched. Neither of them couldn't see a thing. "I've found the candle, but I can't find the lighter," Sherlock said. "I remember putting it right here. Where's my lighter, John?"

"I hid it after you set fire to the skull. It's in my room. I'll go get it."

"No, let me," said Sherlock rushing forward. Sherlock and John hit each other hard.

"Ouch!"

"Hey, what are you...?"

"Umph." There was loud thump as they both fell tangled to the floor.

"Sorry, John. Let me help you up. I have your arm."

"That's not my arm, Sherlock, that's my leg. Careful! I never took yoga," John said.

"Oh, sorry, let me just crawl over..."

"Hey! Sherlock stop moving. You're pressing down on me, and I still have bandages on my bum."

"Alright, John...what do you want me to do with your leg?"

At that moment, the lights came on. John was on his back, but his left foot was placed firmly on the ground pushing his hips up to prevent his injured bum from touching the floor. Sherlock had his feet on either side of John's chest with his head facing between John's legs. Sherlock's left hand was on the rug between John's knees, and the other firmly grasped his right leg. They took a moment to assess the situation.

"What do you want me to do?" Sherlock said. "Should I drop your leg?"

"No Sherlock, I'll fall down on my bum."

"Then what do you want me to do?"

"Stand up slowly, and then you can rotate my leg around so that I can roll on my side."

Sherlock wrapped his arm more firmly around John's leg and shuffled his feet back a bit, to give himself room to stand, just as the door opened.

"Hello Dearies," Mrs Hudson said, "Something flipped the breaker. What have you boys been up to? **Oh!**" she said as she saw Sherlock scissored between John's legs. "My, my, you boys are adventurous! Please remember what I said about the door." Then she turned and left the room muttering. "Oh my goodness."

Sherlock stepped over John and lowered him carefully on his side. John rolled over onto his chest, and just lay there with his face against the rug. "Sherlock," John said defeat in his voice.

"Yes, John?"

"I changed my mind. Let's go bungee jumping tomorrow."

Sherlock jumped in the air and said, "Yes!" before bending down to help John climb to his feet.

"And Sherlock," John said, "Remind me to never play Cluedo with you again."


End file.
